Seizure Salad!
Okay, so while at a mall in Indiana, the crew and I were busy promoting the magic show. We have a little kiosk setup to sell magic tricks, show tickets, and more. I am on a broom suspension for 2-4 hours at a time, just to draw people's attention.
Well, I'm floating. 100-150 people are walking past every minute or so, it's a high-traffic area that is getting us a lot of exposure. I look over just in time to see one of our stage hands apparently trip, fall flat on his face an begin shaking violently. He was carrying an energy drink, which he crumpled and quickly released.
It's funny, actually, looking back. I wish he could've seen himself bust...
Anyway, I yelled out his name, then our bosses' name, and pointed. Soon a few people were crowded near him to help him through it. Meanwhile, I'm floating. Stuck. I was now basically in charge of trying to distract people from the tremor-ridden boy 30 feet away, writing in agony in his leather and chains.
This all would've been marked as just an "odd occurrence," had it not been for this one family that stopped by me.
The mom asked me, "What's wrong with him?" And seeing her young kids looking worried next to her, I politely whispered, "He'll be fine." The kids say, "mommy what's wrong with that man over there?!" She looks at me for an answer, and I nervously, quietly reply, "he's having a seizure. He's had them before and there are two trained paramedics on our staff helping him through it now."
I kid you not, she looks at her kids and says, "kids, his brain went *makes explosion noise, and gestures to simulate a head combusting*, he'll be okay."
It was everything I could do to not bust out laughing.
I told our stagehand this after he got back from a checkup at the local hospital.
He got the security tape from the mall and now plays the footage of this mom "exploding his head" for all of his friends.
Quick Dislike
Briefly, I hate videos like this. Not because it's another "rocky" video, but it's a magician using a single trick, copyrighted (painfully obvious) music, and no entertainment quality as his promo video. Okay, so it's not his "main" video, but it's no more enlightening or useful to watch than flourisher's card videos. Sure, interesting for 3 seconds to someone who hasn't seen it before, but quickly loses its charm.
All walks
While on tour, you expect to meet people from all walks of life. I never took into account that meant working with and hiring them, too. On my staff alone, I had some weird carny types, some normal guys, and a couple of complete psychopaths. Three hirees lasted less than an hour.
One in particular was a very large guy. Nothing wrong with being that big, but he wore a special undershirt that was supposed to help circulate air over his body as he respirated. The problem was the design of the shirt. It was a large black shirt with a huge white oval that covered the chest and the stomach.
He looked like a panda.
So, hence his nickname, "Panda!"
and backstage it was the Southpark quote, "Sexual Harassment.... Panda!"
We had another guy who created nitro glycerin for a chemistry project in high school.
One guy, epileptic, had a seizure in the middle of mall while I was on a broom suspension.
I had a van full of staff ordering at the Dairy Queen drive through and our order took nearly 30 minutes to get made because the ENTIRE staff of DQ "had" to see the spider monkey crawling around the front seat and get pictures.
One guy came in, a "Union" guy. Within 10 minutes, told us that we couldn't make our lights do what we wanted them to do without over $3,000 in new equipment. Funny, we just bought everything we needed from Magic Etc., in Ft. Worth (all worked AWESOME by the way) for about $500. The guy was told to help raise the light truss (basically, you turn a hand crank at about the same speed the guy on the other stand turns his). He quit. Said it was too much work. Total time "employed": 37 minutes.
We had a breakdancing trio come in for a show. They were supposed to get signed on and add atmosphere to the entire show. We incorporated them in a show, it worked great, and then they just never showed up again. Ever.
From complete whores who just wanted to be on the road so they could have sex with more people, to innocent people who thought road life was all glitz, glam, fancy restaurants and five-star hotels... to every kind of person in between, I can finally say I've been a road employer. And I looooooved it.
Even though only half of the staff was my hiring, lol...
One in particular was a very large guy. Nothing wrong with being that big, but he wore a special undershirt that was supposed to help circulate air over his body as he respirated. The problem was the design of the shirt. It was a large black shirt with a huge white oval that covered the chest and the stomach.
He looked like a panda.
So, hence his nickname, "Panda!"
and backstage it was the Southpark quote, "Sexual Harassment.... Panda!"
We had another guy who created nitro glycerin for a chemistry project in high school.
One guy, epileptic, had a seizure in the middle of mall while I was on a broom suspension.
I had a van full of staff ordering at the Dairy Queen drive through and our order took nearly 30 minutes to get made because the ENTIRE staff of DQ "had" to see the spider monkey crawling around the front seat and get pictures.
One guy came in, a "Union" guy. Within 10 minutes, told us that we couldn't make our lights do what we wanted them to do without over $3,000 in new equipment. Funny, we just bought everything we needed from Magic Etc., in Ft. Worth (all worked AWESOME by the way) for about $500. The guy was told to help raise the light truss (basically, you turn a hand crank at about the same speed the guy on the other stand turns his). He quit. Said it was too much work. Total time "employed": 37 minutes.
We had a breakdancing trio come in for a show. They were supposed to get signed on and add atmosphere to the entire show. We incorporated them in a show, it worked great, and then they just never showed up again. Ever.
From complete whores who just wanted to be on the road so they could have sex with more people, to innocent people who thought road life was all glitz, glam, fancy restaurants and five-star hotels... to every kind of person in between, I can finally say I've been a road employer. And I looooooved it.
Even though only half of the staff was my hiring, lol...
Shiger.
So, while on the tour, we created a whole new breed of animal: a Shiger.
What is it? Well, before I can answer that, I have to tell you why we created this animal.
We were doing a string of shows in South Texas. We have this illusion in the beginning of the show that basically turns a girl into a live tiger. Well, that's all well and good for the first few nights. On a Saturday morning, our tiger wasn't in the cooperative mood so we decided not to use him that night. Ya know, to be safe.
But my co-star didn't like the idea of not using the illusion at all.
The show was set early in the morning, so we went out into the town to shop around and relax before the night's performance. We went to a local flea market, and that's where the boss (my co-star) found a young, white sheep. Yes, a sheep. Like, baaaa-aaa-aaa, sheep. Wool, poop, all of it, a sheep.
He bought it, we took it back (in a rental car), and we painted it (spray-in hair color) with orange and black stripes to make it look like a tiger.
Hence, a sheep-tiger, or a Shiger.
Okay, fun story time:
What was SUPPOSED to happen:
The beginning act consisted of a quick-change with pyro, a large cage-based transposition illusion, and another cage for a reproduction. What is supposed to happen: Star walks out, does a quick-change, crosses to large illusion. Opens door to show cage empty. Close cage, pretty girl climbs in through the top. Prop is spun, pyro goes off, prop shown empty. Star crosses to new cage on stage which is seen empty, lights a fire inside and pretty girl reappears. Reopen other cage to reveal tiger. Ta-da. Continue with show.
What actually happened:
Co-star (me) is hiding in a small secret area holding a painted sheep. Visualize this, then read on. Music begins, star comes out but his microphone is already on. Sounds of snaps and velcro play through sound system with no pyro. A mistake off the bat, star is now thrown off his game. Large cage is not shown empty. Pretty girl climbs into the cage from the top. Cage is spun and pyro goes off. Prop is opened early to reveal me hanging onto a very nervous looking Shiger. Other cage is still on stage, loaded. He never produced the girl. I climb out of the prop with the Shiger, and Star continues with the show -- pretty girl sits in the box onstage for a good 5 minutes before someone decided to just go out and quietly pull the cage back off, as the Star was doing a talking piece and obviously forgot to produce the assistant.
Just imagine again, me, in a dark space, with a Shiger.
Do it.
And laugh.
I did.
What is it? Well, before I can answer that, I have to tell you why we created this animal.
We were doing a string of shows in South Texas. We have this illusion in the beginning of the show that basically turns a girl into a live tiger. Well, that's all well and good for the first few nights. On a Saturday morning, our tiger wasn't in the cooperative mood so we decided not to use him that night. Ya know, to be safe.
But my co-star didn't like the idea of not using the illusion at all.
The show was set early in the morning, so we went out into the town to shop around and relax before the night's performance. We went to a local flea market, and that's where the boss (my co-star) found a young, white sheep. Yes, a sheep. Like, baaaa-aaa-aaa, sheep. Wool, poop, all of it, a sheep.
He bought it, we took it back (in a rental car), and we painted it (spray-in hair color) with orange and black stripes to make it look like a tiger.
Hence, a sheep-tiger, or a Shiger.
Okay, fun story time:
What was SUPPOSED to happen:
The beginning act consisted of a quick-change with pyro, a large cage-based transposition illusion, and another cage for a reproduction. What is supposed to happen: Star walks out, does a quick-change, crosses to large illusion. Opens door to show cage empty. Close cage, pretty girl climbs in through the top. Prop is spun, pyro goes off, prop shown empty. Star crosses to new cage on stage which is seen empty, lights a fire inside and pretty girl reappears. Reopen other cage to reveal tiger. Ta-da. Continue with show.
What actually happened:
Co-star (me) is hiding in a small secret area holding a painted sheep. Visualize this, then read on. Music begins, star comes out but his microphone is already on. Sounds of snaps and velcro play through sound system with no pyro. A mistake off the bat, star is now thrown off his game. Large cage is not shown empty. Pretty girl climbs into the cage from the top. Cage is spun and pyro goes off. Prop is opened early to reveal me hanging onto a very nervous looking Shiger. Other cage is still on stage, loaded. He never produced the girl. I climb out of the prop with the Shiger, and Star continues with the show -- pretty girl sits in the box onstage for a good 5 minutes before someone decided to just go out and quietly pull the cage back off, as the Star was doing a talking piece and obviously forgot to produce the assistant.
Just imagine again, me, in a dark space, with a Shiger.
Do it.
And laugh.
I did.
Sauces?
A bit off-topic...
I just learned tonight that I love food for the sauce I put on it. I realized I actually hate enchiladas, quesadillias, pasta and lasagna, pizza, hamburgers, hotdogs, and most varieties of cheese. But I love the tasty condiments to put on them!
I suppose an old line of mine is actually true, "The burrito is merely a vessel for the FireSauce™"
But it let me to think about how we perceive the world around us based on what we are told to perceive. Even something as simple as what are desires should be. I have always been told, and therefore believed, my tastes were for regional flavors. Ya know, mexican food, italian food, thai food, etc. However, the epiphany that I only liked the sauces for these foods, the condiments and the dressings and so forth, lead me to realize there is actually reason and order behind my taste in foods.
I love pizza, but only for the marinara sauce. I always get extra, to dip the pizza in. Same with cheese sticks, garlic bread, etc.
I love mexican food, not for the unique southern flavor, but for salsa, picante, pico de gallo, chili con queso topping, and hot sauces.
I love italian food, but not for the pasta. I love the red sauces and meat sauces, the salad dressings and the unique balsamic vinegrette..
I love thai food, not for the asian cuisine and nice waitstaff, but the peanut sauces, the tom sum, and the creative uses of wasabi and ginger.
And American food, I love not for the meats and cheeses. I love ketchup, mustard, barbeque sauces, steak sauces, thousand island dressings and more types of gravy than I can appreciate in one sitting.
So, here I am, openly admitting that I am addicted to condiments.
I just learned tonight that I love food for the sauce I put on it. I realized I actually hate enchiladas, quesadillias, pasta and lasagna, pizza, hamburgers, hotdogs, and most varieties of cheese. But I love the tasty condiments to put on them!
I suppose an old line of mine is actually true, "The burrito is merely a vessel for the FireSauce™"
But it let me to think about how we perceive the world around us based on what we are told to perceive. Even something as simple as what are desires should be. I have always been told, and therefore believed, my tastes were for regional flavors. Ya know, mexican food, italian food, thai food, etc. However, the epiphany that I only liked the sauces for these foods, the condiments and the dressings and so forth, lead me to realize there is actually reason and order behind my taste in foods.
I love pizza, but only for the marinara sauce. I always get extra, to dip the pizza in. Same with cheese sticks, garlic bread, etc.
I love mexican food, not for the unique southern flavor, but for salsa, picante, pico de gallo, chili con queso topping, and hot sauces.
I love italian food, but not for the pasta. I love the red sauces and meat sauces, the salad dressings and the unique balsamic vinegrette..
I love thai food, not for the asian cuisine and nice waitstaff, but the peanut sauces, the tom sum, and the creative uses of wasabi and ginger.
And American food, I love not for the meats and cheeses. I love ketchup, mustard, barbeque sauces, steak sauces, thousand island dressings and more types of gravy than I can appreciate in one sitting.
So, here I am, openly admitting that I am addicted to condiments.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)