Seizure Salad!
Okay, so while at a mall in Indiana, the crew and I were busy promoting the magic show. We have a little kiosk setup to sell magic tricks, show tickets, and more. I am on a broom suspension for 2-4 hours at a time, just to draw people's attention.
Well, I'm floating. 100-150 people are walking past every minute or so, it's a high-traffic area that is getting us a lot of exposure. I look over just in time to see one of our stage hands apparently trip, fall flat on his face an begin shaking violently. He was carrying an energy drink, which he crumpled and quickly released.
It's funny, actually, looking back. I wish he could've seen himself bust...
Anyway, I yelled out his name, then our bosses' name, and pointed. Soon a few people were crowded near him to help him through it. Meanwhile, I'm floating. Stuck. I was now basically in charge of trying to distract people from the tremor-ridden boy 30 feet away, writing in agony in his leather and chains.
This all would've been marked as just an "odd occurrence," had it not been for this one family that stopped by me.
The mom asked me, "What's wrong with him?" And seeing her young kids looking worried next to her, I politely whispered, "He'll be fine." The kids say, "mommy what's wrong with that man over there?!" She looks at me for an answer, and I nervously, quietly reply, "he's having a seizure. He's had them before and there are two trained paramedics on our staff helping him through it now."
I kid you not, she looks at her kids and says, "kids, his brain went *makes explosion noise, and gestures to simulate a head combusting*, he'll be okay."
It was everything I could do to not bust out laughing.
I told our stagehand this after he got back from a checkup at the local hospital.
He got the security tape from the mall and now plays the footage of this mom "exploding his head" for all of his friends.
Quick Dislike
Briefly, I hate videos like this. Not because it's another "rocky" video, but it's a magician using a single trick, copyrighted (painfully obvious) music, and no entertainment quality as his promo video. Okay, so it's not his "main" video, but it's no more enlightening or useful to watch than flourisher's card videos. Sure, interesting for 3 seconds to someone who hasn't seen it before, but quickly loses its charm.
All walks
While on tour, you expect to meet people from all walks of life. I never took into account that meant working with and hiring them, too. On my staff alone, I had some weird carny types, some normal guys, and a couple of complete psychopaths. Three hirees lasted less than an hour.
One in particular was a very large guy. Nothing wrong with being that big, but he wore a special undershirt that was supposed to help circulate air over his body as he respirated. The problem was the design of the shirt. It was a large black shirt with a huge white oval that covered the chest and the stomach.
He looked like a panda.
So, hence his nickname, "Panda!"
and backstage it was the Southpark quote, "Sexual Harassment.... Panda!"
We had another guy who created nitro glycerin for a chemistry project in high school.
One guy, epileptic, had a seizure in the middle of mall while I was on a broom suspension.
I had a van full of staff ordering at the Dairy Queen drive through and our order took nearly 30 minutes to get made because the ENTIRE staff of DQ "had" to see the spider monkey crawling around the front seat and get pictures.
One guy came in, a "Union" guy. Within 10 minutes, told us that we couldn't make our lights do what we wanted them to do without over $3,000 in new equipment. Funny, we just bought everything we needed from Magic Etc., in Ft. Worth (all worked AWESOME by the way) for about $500. The guy was told to help raise the light truss (basically, you turn a hand crank at about the same speed the guy on the other stand turns his). He quit. Said it was too much work. Total time "employed": 37 minutes.
We had a breakdancing trio come in for a show. They were supposed to get signed on and add atmosphere to the entire show. We incorporated them in a show, it worked great, and then they just never showed up again. Ever.
From complete whores who just wanted to be on the road so they could have sex with more people, to innocent people who thought road life was all glitz, glam, fancy restaurants and five-star hotels... to every kind of person in between, I can finally say I've been a road employer. And I looooooved it.
Even though only half of the staff was my hiring, lol...
One in particular was a very large guy. Nothing wrong with being that big, but he wore a special undershirt that was supposed to help circulate air over his body as he respirated. The problem was the design of the shirt. It was a large black shirt with a huge white oval that covered the chest and the stomach.
He looked like a panda.
So, hence his nickname, "Panda!"
and backstage it was the Southpark quote, "Sexual Harassment.... Panda!"
We had another guy who created nitro glycerin for a chemistry project in high school.
One guy, epileptic, had a seizure in the middle of mall while I was on a broom suspension.
I had a van full of staff ordering at the Dairy Queen drive through and our order took nearly 30 minutes to get made because the ENTIRE staff of DQ "had" to see the spider monkey crawling around the front seat and get pictures.
One guy came in, a "Union" guy. Within 10 minutes, told us that we couldn't make our lights do what we wanted them to do without over $3,000 in new equipment. Funny, we just bought everything we needed from Magic Etc., in Ft. Worth (all worked AWESOME by the way) for about $500. The guy was told to help raise the light truss (basically, you turn a hand crank at about the same speed the guy on the other stand turns his). He quit. Said it was too much work. Total time "employed": 37 minutes.
We had a breakdancing trio come in for a show. They were supposed to get signed on and add atmosphere to the entire show. We incorporated them in a show, it worked great, and then they just never showed up again. Ever.
From complete whores who just wanted to be on the road so they could have sex with more people, to innocent people who thought road life was all glitz, glam, fancy restaurants and five-star hotels... to every kind of person in between, I can finally say I've been a road employer. And I looooooved it.
Even though only half of the staff was my hiring, lol...
Shiger.
So, while on the tour, we created a whole new breed of animal: a Shiger.
What is it? Well, before I can answer that, I have to tell you why we created this animal.
We were doing a string of shows in South Texas. We have this illusion in the beginning of the show that basically turns a girl into a live tiger. Well, that's all well and good for the first few nights. On a Saturday morning, our tiger wasn't in the cooperative mood so we decided not to use him that night. Ya know, to be safe.
But my co-star didn't like the idea of not using the illusion at all.
The show was set early in the morning, so we went out into the town to shop around and relax before the night's performance. We went to a local flea market, and that's where the boss (my co-star) found a young, white sheep. Yes, a sheep. Like, baaaa-aaa-aaa, sheep. Wool, poop, all of it, a sheep.
He bought it, we took it back (in a rental car), and we painted it (spray-in hair color) with orange and black stripes to make it look like a tiger.
Hence, a sheep-tiger, or a Shiger.
Okay, fun story time:
What was SUPPOSED to happen:
The beginning act consisted of a quick-change with pyro, a large cage-based transposition illusion, and another cage for a reproduction. What is supposed to happen: Star walks out, does a quick-change, crosses to large illusion. Opens door to show cage empty. Close cage, pretty girl climbs in through the top. Prop is spun, pyro goes off, prop shown empty. Star crosses to new cage on stage which is seen empty, lights a fire inside and pretty girl reappears. Reopen other cage to reveal tiger. Ta-da. Continue with show.
What actually happened:
Co-star (me) is hiding in a small secret area holding a painted sheep. Visualize this, then read on. Music begins, star comes out but his microphone is already on. Sounds of snaps and velcro play through sound system with no pyro. A mistake off the bat, star is now thrown off his game. Large cage is not shown empty. Pretty girl climbs into the cage from the top. Cage is spun and pyro goes off. Prop is opened early to reveal me hanging onto a very nervous looking Shiger. Other cage is still on stage, loaded. He never produced the girl. I climb out of the prop with the Shiger, and Star continues with the show -- pretty girl sits in the box onstage for a good 5 minutes before someone decided to just go out and quietly pull the cage back off, as the Star was doing a talking piece and obviously forgot to produce the assistant.
Just imagine again, me, in a dark space, with a Shiger.
Do it.
And laugh.
I did.
What is it? Well, before I can answer that, I have to tell you why we created this animal.
We were doing a string of shows in South Texas. We have this illusion in the beginning of the show that basically turns a girl into a live tiger. Well, that's all well and good for the first few nights. On a Saturday morning, our tiger wasn't in the cooperative mood so we decided not to use him that night. Ya know, to be safe.
But my co-star didn't like the idea of not using the illusion at all.
The show was set early in the morning, so we went out into the town to shop around and relax before the night's performance. We went to a local flea market, and that's where the boss (my co-star) found a young, white sheep. Yes, a sheep. Like, baaaa-aaa-aaa, sheep. Wool, poop, all of it, a sheep.
He bought it, we took it back (in a rental car), and we painted it (spray-in hair color) with orange and black stripes to make it look like a tiger.
Hence, a sheep-tiger, or a Shiger.
Okay, fun story time:
What was SUPPOSED to happen:
The beginning act consisted of a quick-change with pyro, a large cage-based transposition illusion, and another cage for a reproduction. What is supposed to happen: Star walks out, does a quick-change, crosses to large illusion. Opens door to show cage empty. Close cage, pretty girl climbs in through the top. Prop is spun, pyro goes off, prop shown empty. Star crosses to new cage on stage which is seen empty, lights a fire inside and pretty girl reappears. Reopen other cage to reveal tiger. Ta-da. Continue with show.
What actually happened:
Co-star (me) is hiding in a small secret area holding a painted sheep. Visualize this, then read on. Music begins, star comes out but his microphone is already on. Sounds of snaps and velcro play through sound system with no pyro. A mistake off the bat, star is now thrown off his game. Large cage is not shown empty. Pretty girl climbs into the cage from the top. Cage is spun and pyro goes off. Prop is opened early to reveal me hanging onto a very nervous looking Shiger. Other cage is still on stage, loaded. He never produced the girl. I climb out of the prop with the Shiger, and Star continues with the show -- pretty girl sits in the box onstage for a good 5 minutes before someone decided to just go out and quietly pull the cage back off, as the Star was doing a talking piece and obviously forgot to produce the assistant.
Just imagine again, me, in a dark space, with a Shiger.
Do it.
And laugh.
I did.
Sauces?
A bit off-topic...
I just learned tonight that I love food for the sauce I put on it. I realized I actually hate enchiladas, quesadillias, pasta and lasagna, pizza, hamburgers, hotdogs, and most varieties of cheese. But I love the tasty condiments to put on them!
I suppose an old line of mine is actually true, "The burrito is merely a vessel for the FireSauce™"
But it let me to think about how we perceive the world around us based on what we are told to perceive. Even something as simple as what are desires should be. I have always been told, and therefore believed, my tastes were for regional flavors. Ya know, mexican food, italian food, thai food, etc. However, the epiphany that I only liked the sauces for these foods, the condiments and the dressings and so forth, lead me to realize there is actually reason and order behind my taste in foods.
I love pizza, but only for the marinara sauce. I always get extra, to dip the pizza in. Same with cheese sticks, garlic bread, etc.
I love mexican food, not for the unique southern flavor, but for salsa, picante, pico de gallo, chili con queso topping, and hot sauces.
I love italian food, but not for the pasta. I love the red sauces and meat sauces, the salad dressings and the unique balsamic vinegrette..
I love thai food, not for the asian cuisine and nice waitstaff, but the peanut sauces, the tom sum, and the creative uses of wasabi and ginger.
And American food, I love not for the meats and cheeses. I love ketchup, mustard, barbeque sauces, steak sauces, thousand island dressings and more types of gravy than I can appreciate in one sitting.
So, here I am, openly admitting that I am addicted to condiments.
I just learned tonight that I love food for the sauce I put on it. I realized I actually hate enchiladas, quesadillias, pasta and lasagna, pizza, hamburgers, hotdogs, and most varieties of cheese. But I love the tasty condiments to put on them!
I suppose an old line of mine is actually true, "The burrito is merely a vessel for the FireSauce™"
But it let me to think about how we perceive the world around us based on what we are told to perceive. Even something as simple as what are desires should be. I have always been told, and therefore believed, my tastes were for regional flavors. Ya know, mexican food, italian food, thai food, etc. However, the epiphany that I only liked the sauces for these foods, the condiments and the dressings and so forth, lead me to realize there is actually reason and order behind my taste in foods.
I love pizza, but only for the marinara sauce. I always get extra, to dip the pizza in. Same with cheese sticks, garlic bread, etc.
I love mexican food, not for the unique southern flavor, but for salsa, picante, pico de gallo, chili con queso topping, and hot sauces.
I love italian food, but not for the pasta. I love the red sauces and meat sauces, the salad dressings and the unique balsamic vinegrette..
I love thai food, not for the asian cuisine and nice waitstaff, but the peanut sauces, the tom sum, and the creative uses of wasabi and ginger.
And American food, I love not for the meats and cheeses. I love ketchup, mustard, barbeque sauces, steak sauces, thousand island dressings and more types of gravy than I can appreciate in one sitting.
So, here I am, openly admitting that I am addicted to condiments.
Looking Back
I've been quiet here a while, and it's nice to know that the things I wrote about and dedicated myself to do have actually come to fruition. Amazing what a little perseverance will allow you to do.
I've been on national tour, co-starring a grand illusion show for the last 6 months. I've been all over the USA, my name in lights, and learned more than I anticipated I would.
Now, I'm ready to take what I learned and take it to the next level.
This is my life, and I'm glad to make everyone else a part of it!
I've been on national tour, co-starring a grand illusion show for the last 6 months. I've been all over the USA, my name in lights, and learned more than I anticipated I would.
Now, I'm ready to take what I learned and take it to the next level.
This is my life, and I'm glad to make everyone else a part of it!
Road Thoughts...
This will be fairly short, as this Android app is really not user friendly.
Touring is fun. The road is fun. Shows constantly are fun... but I am so over working for a show with no artistic value.
Touring is fun. The road is fun. Shows constantly are fun... but I am so over working for a show with no artistic value.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
From the road
So, I've been on international tour, co-starring an illusion show since June. I have had very little time on the computer, lol. However, I doubt I could be happier. I'll post longer blogs about it soon, but i want to hit the highlights as i fall asleep.. I play with real tigers almost every day, I have my name in lights and am treated like royalty, I have seen more country and scenery than ever in my life, met so many exciting people, and all while doing something I love. :) I couldnt be happier... or could I...?
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3
Coping.
Sometimes the only way to cope is to force yourself to let go. And not just loosen your grasp, but to let go and prevent yourself from even being able to regain what you had.
I had to remove Suzo from every profile I have -- I was wasting too much time obsessing over little things that supposedly meant nothing.
I got tired of the bullshit, the "I lovED you too,"'s, and the ignoring.
And finally, after all the petty drama was done and we were finally having an all out war over the phone, she confessed, "I still love you."
I hate that. I spent over a month doing everything I could to show her I had changed -- and she would have rather ignored me completely instead of giving me the chance to show her. And SHE'S the one who asked me to change.
Well, good for me, I changed.
I'm making good money now, I'm happy, and don't have any inclination to look back. There were a few good times with her, but honestly I can't believe she turned out to be so immature, especially when all I ever did was try to get her up off her ass and be productive so she could live the life she claimed to want to have.
I wish her the same success and happiness I'm feeling now.
And I feel sorry for any poor sap who falls for her before she grows up...
I had to remove Suzo from every profile I have -- I was wasting too much time obsessing over little things that supposedly meant nothing.
I got tired of the bullshit, the "I lovED you too,"'s, and the ignoring.
And finally, after all the petty drama was done and we were finally having an all out war over the phone, she confessed, "I still love you."
I hate that. I spent over a month doing everything I could to show her I had changed -- and she would have rather ignored me completely instead of giving me the chance to show her. And SHE'S the one who asked me to change.
Well, good for me, I changed.
I'm making good money now, I'm happy, and don't have any inclination to look back. There were a few good times with her, but honestly I can't believe she turned out to be so immature, especially when all I ever did was try to get her up off her ass and be productive so she could live the life she claimed to want to have.
I wish her the same success and happiness I'm feeling now.
And I feel sorry for any poor sap who falls for her before she grows up...
ready
I'm ready for anything.
To make a difference.
To prove I'm there.
I'm set.
I'm golden.
I'm poised.
I'm there.
From this point on, I am living for the moment at the time. I'm done worrying about the future or the past.
The past made me who I am, and I have learned from my mistakes -- never to make them again.
The future will happen as it will happen.
I'm ready.
I'm willing.
To give it my all.
To go all the way.
To reach beyond my grasp.
To exceed expectations.
To be a freakin' star.
Where are you, Aaron?
Here.
When are you?
Now.
What are you?
This moment.
I will live, breath, eat, and die by nothing but success and positivity.
I will prove to those who don't believe that I'm capable of greatness.
Everyone has their off days, I'm done having off days.
If I have to do this alone, fine.
As much as I wish for her to be with me
I'd rather her find her own sense of happiness, even if that means
going this alone.
The world is a crazy, amusing place filled with all kinds of people.
Some of them I can still call my best friends.
One of them I'm willing to call more than that.
But no longer will I sit around bored, waiting, hoping...
I'll do what I need to do and what I believe is right
because there is never nothing going on.
To make a difference.
To prove I'm there.
I'm set.
I'm golden.
I'm poised.
I'm there.
From this point on, I am living for the moment at the time. I'm done worrying about the future or the past.
The past made me who I am, and I have learned from my mistakes -- never to make them again.
The future will happen as it will happen.
I'm ready.
I'm willing.
To give it my all.
To go all the way.
To reach beyond my grasp.
To exceed expectations.
To be a freakin' star.
Where are you, Aaron?
Here.
When are you?
Now.
What are you?
This moment.
I will live, breath, eat, and die by nothing but success and positivity.
I will prove to those who don't believe that I'm capable of greatness.
Everyone has their off days, I'm done having off days.
If I have to do this alone, fine.
As much as I wish for her to be with me
I'd rather her find her own sense of happiness, even if that means
going this alone.
The world is a crazy, amusing place filled with all kinds of people.
Some of them I can still call my best friends.
One of them I'm willing to call more than that.
But no longer will I sit around bored, waiting, hoping...
I'll do what I need to do and what I believe is right
because there is never nothing going on.
Minor Grievances... plus good news
So, it's not often I get to share good news. Therefore, let me get the stuff out of the way currently irking me.
My phone is off. I've lost two shows and an agent because of it. So much for getting back on my feet doing what I love. My storage unit will be on lean if I can't come up with the money to pay for it tomorrow. Funny... ONE of those shows would've done that no problem...
My websites are all about to be offline, because when GoDaddy called me to confirm rebilling they got the message "This number is invalid" or whatever. They sent me an e-mail saying they have no choice but to cancel the service unless I can call them back. Since I have no idea when I'll get service returned, I can safely assume i'm just fuckin' screwed on that one and deal with it later... so much for advertising online...
Anyway, little bit more bad..
I'm on a friend's couch for a couple of nights before my next move. I have no extra clothes (and these look soooooo trashy), no shaving razor, no toothbrush, no phone, no camera, and the socks that I DO have I only put on in a rush the other day. They're the moldy ones from a hiking trip I took a while back through a creek and just left them in the shoes to dry... they're horrible, but all I have for now.
I'm living off of ravioli and miller lite.
no telling what my family thinks happened to me. They don't use e-mail regularly enough... so they probably think I'm dead or worse.
Good stuff?
Tomorrow sometime a good friend is taking me to the house where all my stuff is to pack it all up (what we can fit in the truck) and I'm moving into his extra room for a while. I'll sleep comfortably on the floor, setup the studio there so I can continue working. Another friend landed me a job with a car dealership not far from the place I'm moving to, and it's supposed to pay killer money.
If that pays like he says, I'll have ALL of my debts covered in 2 months, my own place in 3, and a brand new car by the end of the summer. After that is all easy livin'.
So, having lots of extra cash to do whatever with and still being able to house and run the studio? Heck yes.
21 is going to be the year of my life where I fix everything wrong with myself.
Either just for me or for the next person who decides they like me...
Already found an apartment I like. Inexpensive and way cool... July? Most likely.
Things are (mostly) looking up...
there is one thing I wish was different, still..
but I suppose I can't have everything....
My phone is off. I've lost two shows and an agent because of it. So much for getting back on my feet doing what I love. My storage unit will be on lean if I can't come up with the money to pay for it tomorrow. Funny... ONE of those shows would've done that no problem...
My websites are all about to be offline, because when GoDaddy called me to confirm rebilling they got the message "This number is invalid" or whatever. They sent me an e-mail saying they have no choice but to cancel the service unless I can call them back. Since I have no idea when I'll get service returned, I can safely assume i'm just fuckin' screwed on that one and deal with it later... so much for advertising online...
Anyway, little bit more bad..
I'm on a friend's couch for a couple of nights before my next move. I have no extra clothes (and these look soooooo trashy), no shaving razor, no toothbrush, no phone, no camera, and the socks that I DO have I only put on in a rush the other day. They're the moldy ones from a hiking trip I took a while back through a creek and just left them in the shoes to dry... they're horrible, but all I have for now.
I'm living off of ravioli and miller lite.
no telling what my family thinks happened to me. They don't use e-mail regularly enough... so they probably think I'm dead or worse.
Good stuff?
Tomorrow sometime a good friend is taking me to the house where all my stuff is to pack it all up (what we can fit in the truck) and I'm moving into his extra room for a while. I'll sleep comfortably on the floor, setup the studio there so I can continue working. Another friend landed me a job with a car dealership not far from the place I'm moving to, and it's supposed to pay killer money.
If that pays like he says, I'll have ALL of my debts covered in 2 months, my own place in 3, and a brand new car by the end of the summer. After that is all easy livin'.
So, having lots of extra cash to do whatever with and still being able to house and run the studio? Heck yes.
21 is going to be the year of my life where I fix everything wrong with myself.
Either just for me or for the next person who decides they like me...
Already found an apartment I like. Inexpensive and way cool... July? Most likely.
Things are (mostly) looking up...
there is one thing I wish was different, still..
but I suppose I can't have everything....
Nothing Does It...
It seems that no matter how hard I try, how much I work, how much I push myself, I still end up on the shit list.
I could rant about a lot of things right now in the state of mind I'm in, but particularly one subject is stinging a bit more.
See, in running a portrait studio, you do a lot of advertising. You tell everyone, you offer specials (even freebies) to everyone to help get your name out there better. And yet, when it boils right down to it, some people would still rather spend 100's to 1,000's of dollars for shitty senior portraits just for the name recognition of the studio. Funny how that works out. Or, better yet, get this, they get a friend to do it. One who knows just enough about photoshop to be dangerous with filters... so they get them back and think they're SO COOL just because someone knows how to click "filters>render>lens flare" or play with the contrast sliders.
So what, then, is the point of trying? Why do all this work... free and otherwise.... to be completely ignored and looked over when push comes to shove?
Especially for shitty work!?
I admit that I, like many, am learning more everyday and want to continually produce better and better results.
Hard to find motivation, though, when you best work looks better to the client after they play with the filters menu in photoshop.
Magic wasn't paying the bills and after five years of trying I finally set it on the backburner. Now, after feverently pursuing photography to the point of owning a full-service studio and still being at rock bottom, what's left? Needlepoint? No.
Look for me at your favorite corporate office somewhere, working a desk job. My dreams were never meant to be lived out. They were never meant to come true. I don't know why I was so ignorant to believe I could do anything. Those dreams are all dead, smashed, and shattered. At least I can look back later and say I tried, right?
I could rant about a lot of things right now in the state of mind I'm in, but particularly one subject is stinging a bit more.
See, in running a portrait studio, you do a lot of advertising. You tell everyone, you offer specials (even freebies) to everyone to help get your name out there better. And yet, when it boils right down to it, some people would still rather spend 100's to 1,000's of dollars for shitty senior portraits just for the name recognition of the studio. Funny how that works out. Or, better yet, get this, they get a friend to do it. One who knows just enough about photoshop to be dangerous with filters... so they get them back and think they're SO COOL just because someone knows how to click "filters>render>lens flare" or play with the contrast sliders.
So what, then, is the point of trying? Why do all this work... free and otherwise.... to be completely ignored and looked over when push comes to shove?
Especially for shitty work!?
I admit that I, like many, am learning more everyday and want to continually produce better and better results.
Hard to find motivation, though, when you best work looks better to the client after they play with the filters menu in photoshop.
Magic wasn't paying the bills and after five years of trying I finally set it on the backburner. Now, after feverently pursuing photography to the point of owning a full-service studio and still being at rock bottom, what's left? Needlepoint? No.
Look for me at your favorite corporate office somewhere, working a desk job. My dreams were never meant to be lived out. They were never meant to come true. I don't know why I was so ignorant to believe I could do anything. Those dreams are all dead, smashed, and shattered. At least I can look back later and say I tried, right?
Back to the drawing board...
So, I've been told by a number of people that the photo that I'm currently using as default on my actual website is too "Clockwork Orange" and sends the wrong kind of message. I think it's actually a classy photo of me in my suit wearing a nice hat. It's actually a great portrait...
...but evidently isn't anything that anyone else likes.
So, I'll fix that too, while I'm at it....
Aaron
...but evidently isn't anything that anyone else likes.
So, I'll fix that too, while I'm at it....
Aaron
School's in Session
So, I have been doing research for the last couple of months on different photography techniques. I can't seem to get my documents to save on the PC right now, so I'm typing up a list of ideas for new upcoming equipment here...
Huge sheet of plexiglass.
Huge white paper roll
Large sheet of melamine (dry erase board)
vinyl floors from The Home Depot or Lowe's
Ceiling-rigged backdrop system (not tripod/floor based)
Metallic cloth and some pop-out devices (old hampers, etc) to make easy reflectors with.
Powerpack lighting system, ceiling suspension setup (with counterbalanced heads).
A few other backdrops for the mounted system (dyed cotton, solid red/black/etc).
Cool chairs and props for model/senior shoots
Space for a permenant setup.
Huge sheet of plexiglass.
Huge white paper roll
Large sheet of melamine (dry erase board)
vinyl floors from The Home Depot or Lowe's
Ceiling-rigged backdrop system (not tripod/floor based)
Metallic cloth and some pop-out devices (old hampers, etc) to make easy reflectors with.
Powerpack lighting system, ceiling suspension setup (with counterbalanced heads).
A few other backdrops for the mounted system (dyed cotton, solid red/black/etc).
Cool chairs and props for model/senior shoots
Space for a permenant setup.
Issue.
I finally found out what my one major issue is.
I physically cannot handle even the thought that someone hates me.
It weakens me, chills my blood, and releases some chemical that counteracts any endorphins I had in my system, but doesn't seem to counteract the adrenaline. There are huge circles of friends that I cannot associate with because of one person, who obviously take their side. Therefore, there are large numbers of people who hate me for the sheer fact that someone else says they hate me, and by proxy the opinion of the others' is formed.
What makes that even harder is to learn of their happiness or success.
I'm not jealous, really; I'm doing quite well, considering where I believed I would have ended up by this time -- but I still can't help but feel stabbed a little; betrayed; thrown aside like a piece of trash. For what reason? That very same circle of friends keeps me from even blindly enjoying a birthday on the town.
There is so much good going for me, but this makes me feel so bad. Maybe that's what they really wanted, to make me feel bad. Well, congratulations. You've won. You've broken me, and all I can find it right to do is continue to ignore you and the careless way you run your relationships. I give up. I quit. You'll never read this, and I'm glad. However, maybe just writing this will make the energy shift and you'll stop wishing I was dead. You'll stop noticing my name everywhere. You'll stop going out of your way to find ways to hurt me. I don't hate you -- that's too strong of a word. But you can't imagine how badly I wish I would just let it go and seethe in hatred of you. I can't forget you, we went through too much, but mark my words: I would, without hesitating -- given the chance.
This post is meant for me, to let this out. It's not open for discussion.
By no fault of anyone present tonight, this has been quite possibly the worst night I've ever experienced.
You don't know how bad.. I want to hate you.
And yet, you still somehow hold a piece of me.
So, stop using it for target practice, okay?
I physically cannot handle even the thought that someone hates me.
It weakens me, chills my blood, and releases some chemical that counteracts any endorphins I had in my system, but doesn't seem to counteract the adrenaline. There are huge circles of friends that I cannot associate with because of one person, who obviously take their side. Therefore, there are large numbers of people who hate me for the sheer fact that someone else says they hate me, and by proxy the opinion of the others' is formed.
What makes that even harder is to learn of their happiness or success.
I'm not jealous, really; I'm doing quite well, considering where I believed I would have ended up by this time -- but I still can't help but feel stabbed a little; betrayed; thrown aside like a piece of trash. For what reason? That very same circle of friends keeps me from even blindly enjoying a birthday on the town.
There is so much good going for me, but this makes me feel so bad. Maybe that's what they really wanted, to make me feel bad. Well, congratulations. You've won. You've broken me, and all I can find it right to do is continue to ignore you and the careless way you run your relationships. I give up. I quit. You'll never read this, and I'm glad. However, maybe just writing this will make the energy shift and you'll stop wishing I was dead. You'll stop noticing my name everywhere. You'll stop going out of your way to find ways to hurt me. I don't hate you -- that's too strong of a word. But you can't imagine how badly I wish I would just let it go and seethe in hatred of you. I can't forget you, we went through too much, but mark my words: I would, without hesitating -- given the chance.
This post is meant for me, to let this out. It's not open for discussion.
By no fault of anyone present tonight, this has been quite possibly the worst night I've ever experienced.
You don't know how bad.. I want to hate you.
And yet, you still somehow hold a piece of me.
So, stop using it for target practice, okay?
Poor photoshop skills
People on deviantArt have become a lot like Uri Gellar lately.
They photoshop something and try to pass it off as an unaltered photograph they just took.
I recently let myself get into a debate about an image with some saggy-boobed manson fan over an image of a pentagram "supposedly" carved into a column.
It looks like they followed the Worth1000 tutorial on carving TO THE LETTER.
I merely pointed this out, and they got really hot and bothered that I would even assume it was fake.
Sad.
Two deviations -- have fun, and try to tell me they are remotely real.
http://ravendelajour.deviantart.com/
"Evil?" and the more recent "Not Fake"
They photoshop something and try to pass it off as an unaltered photograph they just took.
I recently let myself get into a debate about an image with some saggy-boobed manson fan over an image of a pentagram "supposedly" carved into a column.
It looks like they followed the Worth1000 tutorial on carving TO THE LETTER.
I merely pointed this out, and they got really hot and bothered that I would even assume it was fake.
Sad.
Two deviations -- have fun, and try to tell me they are remotely real.
http://ravendelajour.deviantart.com/
"Evil?" and the more recent "Not Fake"
JAVA/CSS/HTML
o.O
JAVA makes my head hurt, HTML is okay, and CSS is finally a lot easier (now that Bizzaro turned me on... TO A NEW PROGRAM!)
lol
But really, Bizzaro makes my balls change color.
!
JAVA makes my head hurt, HTML is okay, and CSS is finally a lot easier (now that Bizzaro turned me on... TO A NEW PROGRAM!)
lol
But really, Bizzaro makes my balls change color.
!
Happiness
Between getting to finally hang out with one of my best friends again, to making progress on a website, to a couple of last minute Christmas gifts, I am much, much happier.
I got to go watch (and photograph) Bizzaro's lecture, which was great and informative.
I finally sat down and worked on FearlessAce a bit -- the inspiration came from someone wanting to send shots to their friends. Necessity is the mother of invention...
I, in turn, learned a lot of much-needed information about HTML and CSS coding that I was struggling with. Now DIVs, positioning, and XML linking is a breeze, compared to the evil headache I once saw it as.
Though still, it is frustrating when a SPACE can make your entire website vanish...
Well, I'm off to make hot ham, cheese, and cayenne pepper sandwiches.
Adios!
I got to go watch (and photograph) Bizzaro's lecture, which was great and informative.
I finally sat down and worked on FearlessAce a bit -- the inspiration came from someone wanting to send shots to their friends. Necessity is the mother of invention...
I, in turn, learned a lot of much-needed information about HTML and CSS coding that I was struggling with. Now DIVs, positioning, and XML linking is a breeze, compared to the evil headache I once saw it as.
Though still, it is frustrating when a SPACE can make your entire website vanish...
Well, I'm off to make hot ham, cheese, and cayenne pepper sandwiches.
Adios!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)