I'm ready for anything.
To make a difference.
To prove I'm there.
I'm set.
I'm golden.
I'm poised.
I'm there.
From this point on, I am living for the moment at the time. I'm done worrying about the future or the past.
The past made me who I am, and I have learned from my mistakes -- never to make them again.
The future will happen as it will happen.
I'm ready.
I'm willing.
To give it my all.
To go all the way.
To reach beyond my grasp.
To exceed expectations.
To be a freakin' star.
Where are you, Aaron?
Here.
When are you?
Now.
What are you?
This moment.
I will live, breath, eat, and die by nothing but success and positivity.
I will prove to those who don't believe that I'm capable of greatness.
Everyone has their off days, I'm done having off days.
If I have to do this alone, fine.
As much as I wish for her to be with me
I'd rather her find her own sense of happiness, even if that means
going this alone.
The world is a crazy, amusing place filled with all kinds of people.
Some of them I can still call my best friends.
One of them I'm willing to call more than that.
But no longer will I sit around bored, waiting, hoping...
I'll do what I need to do and what I believe is right
because there is never nothing going on.
Minor Grievances... plus good news
So, it's not often I get to share good news. Therefore, let me get the stuff out of the way currently irking me.
My phone is off. I've lost two shows and an agent because of it. So much for getting back on my feet doing what I love. My storage unit will be on lean if I can't come up with the money to pay for it tomorrow. Funny... ONE of those shows would've done that no problem...
My websites are all about to be offline, because when GoDaddy called me to confirm rebilling they got the message "This number is invalid" or whatever. They sent me an e-mail saying they have no choice but to cancel the service unless I can call them back. Since I have no idea when I'll get service returned, I can safely assume i'm just fuckin' screwed on that one and deal with it later... so much for advertising online...
Anyway, little bit more bad..
I'm on a friend's couch for a couple of nights before my next move. I have no extra clothes (and these look soooooo trashy), no shaving razor, no toothbrush, no phone, no camera, and the socks that I DO have I only put on in a rush the other day. They're the moldy ones from a hiking trip I took a while back through a creek and just left them in the shoes to dry... they're horrible, but all I have for now.
I'm living off of ravioli and miller lite.
no telling what my family thinks happened to me. They don't use e-mail regularly enough... so they probably think I'm dead or worse.
Good stuff?
Tomorrow sometime a good friend is taking me to the house where all my stuff is to pack it all up (what we can fit in the truck) and I'm moving into his extra room for a while. I'll sleep comfortably on the floor, setup the studio there so I can continue working. Another friend landed me a job with a car dealership not far from the place I'm moving to, and it's supposed to pay killer money.
If that pays like he says, I'll have ALL of my debts covered in 2 months, my own place in 3, and a brand new car by the end of the summer. After that is all easy livin'.
So, having lots of extra cash to do whatever with and still being able to house and run the studio? Heck yes.
21 is going to be the year of my life where I fix everything wrong with myself.
Either just for me or for the next person who decides they like me...
Already found an apartment I like. Inexpensive and way cool... July? Most likely.
Things are (mostly) looking up...
there is one thing I wish was different, still..
but I suppose I can't have everything....
My phone is off. I've lost two shows and an agent because of it. So much for getting back on my feet doing what I love. My storage unit will be on lean if I can't come up with the money to pay for it tomorrow. Funny... ONE of those shows would've done that no problem...
My websites are all about to be offline, because when GoDaddy called me to confirm rebilling they got the message "This number is invalid" or whatever. They sent me an e-mail saying they have no choice but to cancel the service unless I can call them back. Since I have no idea when I'll get service returned, I can safely assume i'm just fuckin' screwed on that one and deal with it later... so much for advertising online...
Anyway, little bit more bad..
I'm on a friend's couch for a couple of nights before my next move. I have no extra clothes (and these look soooooo trashy), no shaving razor, no toothbrush, no phone, no camera, and the socks that I DO have I only put on in a rush the other day. They're the moldy ones from a hiking trip I took a while back through a creek and just left them in the shoes to dry... they're horrible, but all I have for now.
I'm living off of ravioli and miller lite.
no telling what my family thinks happened to me. They don't use e-mail regularly enough... so they probably think I'm dead or worse.
Good stuff?
Tomorrow sometime a good friend is taking me to the house where all my stuff is to pack it all up (what we can fit in the truck) and I'm moving into his extra room for a while. I'll sleep comfortably on the floor, setup the studio there so I can continue working. Another friend landed me a job with a car dealership not far from the place I'm moving to, and it's supposed to pay killer money.
If that pays like he says, I'll have ALL of my debts covered in 2 months, my own place in 3, and a brand new car by the end of the summer. After that is all easy livin'.
So, having lots of extra cash to do whatever with and still being able to house and run the studio? Heck yes.
21 is going to be the year of my life where I fix everything wrong with myself.
Either just for me or for the next person who decides they like me...
Already found an apartment I like. Inexpensive and way cool... July? Most likely.
Things are (mostly) looking up...
there is one thing I wish was different, still..
but I suppose I can't have everything....
Nothing Does It...
It seems that no matter how hard I try, how much I work, how much I push myself, I still end up on the shit list.
I could rant about a lot of things right now in the state of mind I'm in, but particularly one subject is stinging a bit more.
See, in running a portrait studio, you do a lot of advertising. You tell everyone, you offer specials (even freebies) to everyone to help get your name out there better. And yet, when it boils right down to it, some people would still rather spend 100's to 1,000's of dollars for shitty senior portraits just for the name recognition of the studio. Funny how that works out. Or, better yet, get this, they get a friend to do it. One who knows just enough about photoshop to be dangerous with filters... so they get them back and think they're SO COOL just because someone knows how to click "filters>render>lens flare" or play with the contrast sliders.
So what, then, is the point of trying? Why do all this work... free and otherwise.... to be completely ignored and looked over when push comes to shove?
Especially for shitty work!?
I admit that I, like many, am learning more everyday and want to continually produce better and better results.
Hard to find motivation, though, when you best work looks better to the client after they play with the filters menu in photoshop.
Magic wasn't paying the bills and after five years of trying I finally set it on the backburner. Now, after feverently pursuing photography to the point of owning a full-service studio and still being at rock bottom, what's left? Needlepoint? No.
Look for me at your favorite corporate office somewhere, working a desk job. My dreams were never meant to be lived out. They were never meant to come true. I don't know why I was so ignorant to believe I could do anything. Those dreams are all dead, smashed, and shattered. At least I can look back later and say I tried, right?
I could rant about a lot of things right now in the state of mind I'm in, but particularly one subject is stinging a bit more.
See, in running a portrait studio, you do a lot of advertising. You tell everyone, you offer specials (even freebies) to everyone to help get your name out there better. And yet, when it boils right down to it, some people would still rather spend 100's to 1,000's of dollars for shitty senior portraits just for the name recognition of the studio. Funny how that works out. Or, better yet, get this, they get a friend to do it. One who knows just enough about photoshop to be dangerous with filters... so they get them back and think they're SO COOL just because someone knows how to click "filters>render>lens flare" or play with the contrast sliders.
So what, then, is the point of trying? Why do all this work... free and otherwise.... to be completely ignored and looked over when push comes to shove?
Especially for shitty work!?
I admit that I, like many, am learning more everyday and want to continually produce better and better results.
Hard to find motivation, though, when you best work looks better to the client after they play with the filters menu in photoshop.
Magic wasn't paying the bills and after five years of trying I finally set it on the backburner. Now, after feverently pursuing photography to the point of owning a full-service studio and still being at rock bottom, what's left? Needlepoint? No.
Look for me at your favorite corporate office somewhere, working a desk job. My dreams were never meant to be lived out. They were never meant to come true. I don't know why I was so ignorant to believe I could do anything. Those dreams are all dead, smashed, and shattered. At least I can look back later and say I tried, right?
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