Issue.

I finally found out what my one major issue is.
I physically cannot handle even the thought that someone hates me.

It weakens me, chills my blood, and releases some chemical that counteracts any endorphins I had in my system,  but doesn't seem to counteract the adrenaline.  There are huge circles of friends that I cannot associate with because of one person, who obviously take their side.  Therefore, there are large numbers of people who hate me for the sheer fact that someone else says they hate me, and by proxy the opinion of the others' is formed.
What makes that even harder is to learn of their happiness or success.
I'm not jealous, really;  I'm doing quite well, considering where I believed I would have ended up by this time -- but I still can't help but feel stabbed a little; betrayed; thrown aside like a piece of trash.  For what reason?  That very same circle of friends keeps me from even blindly enjoying a birthday on the town.

There is so much good going for me, but this makes me feel so bad.  Maybe that's what they really wanted, to make me feel bad.  Well, congratulations.  You've won.  You've broken me, and all I can find it right to do is continue to ignore you and the careless way you run your relationships.  I give up.  I quit.  You'll never read this, and I'm glad.  However, maybe just writing this will make the energy shift and you'll stop wishing I was dead.  You'll stop noticing my name everywhere.  You'll stop going out of your way to find ways to hurt me. I don't hate you -- that's too strong of a word.  But you can't imagine how badly I wish I would just let it go and seethe in hatred of you.  I can't forget you, we went through too much, but mark my words: I would, without hesitating -- given the chance.

This post is meant for me, to let this out.  It's not open for discussion.
By no fault of anyone present tonight, this has been quite possibly the worst night I've ever experienced.

You don't know how bad.. I want to hate you.
And yet, you still somehow hold a piece of me.
So, stop using it for target practice, okay?

Poor photoshop skills

People on deviantArt have become a lot like Uri Gellar lately.
They photoshop something and try to pass it off as an unaltered photograph they just took.
I recently let myself get into a debate about an image with some saggy-boobed manson fan over an image of a pentagram "supposedly" carved into a column.

It looks like they followed the Worth1000 tutorial on carving TO THE LETTER.
I merely pointed this out, and they got really hot and bothered that I would even assume it was fake.
Sad.

Two deviations -- have fun, and try to tell me they are remotely real.
http://ravendelajour.deviantart.com/
"Evil?" and the more recent "Not Fake"

JAVA/CSS/HTML

o.O

JAVA makes my head hurt, HTML is okay, and CSS is finally a lot easier (now that Bizzaro turned me on... TO A NEW PROGRAM!)
lol

But really, Bizzaro makes my balls change color.

!

Happiness

Between getting to finally hang out with one of my best friends again, to making progress on a website, to a couple of last minute Christmas gifts, I am much, much happier.

I got to go watch (and photograph) Bizzaro's lecture, which was great and informative.
I finally sat down and worked on FearlessAce a bit -- the inspiration came from someone wanting to send shots to their friends.  Necessity is the mother of invention...
I, in turn, learned a lot of much-needed information about HTML and CSS coding that I was struggling with.  Now DIVs, positioning, and XML linking is a breeze, compared to the evil headache I once saw it as.
Though still, it is frustrating when a SPACE can make your entire website vanish...

Well, I'm off to make hot ham, cheese, and cayenne pepper sandwiches.
Adios!