Spending Christmas Alone

So, I am spending this Christmas alone.
Partly due to the weather, partly by free choice.

I've screwed up so much in my life so far, irreparable damage has been made, and I don't see myself being able to face my family, my friends, or anyone else, until I find a healthy way to cope.  I've tried everything to get myself out of this funk, but I've at least come to terms with the fact that I need to fix my problems, not just avoid them, if I ever want to be free of this mess.

I'm taking steps to improve my life, but almost just as many to ruin it.

Maybe someday I'll learn...

Sadly...

I was thinking of something very interesting to share with everyone and I was halfway through typing it when I realized... no one reads this, anyway.
I have one follower (who doesn't count, lol) and if anyone else sees something it's because I specifically give them a link saying, "OMFG GO LOOK AT THIS"

.: sigh :.
So, never mind on that one.

Catching up on some work, I've actually gotten a lot done.  Thankfully.
Though, my throat is killing me... all of the performing un-miked and yelling to be heard over DJ's this weekend killed my voice for a while.  Luckily, office work the next few days.

A cold front is blowing in.  I love the cold, it makes it easier to write emo poetry, but I hate it because I FUCKING HATE BEING FREEZING COLD WHEN THERE IS NO ONE TO FLAUNT MY NINJA COLD-BRAVING SKILLS TO.
Makes me miss high school a bit...

Yep.
It's hopeless.

A full length marathon ahead
just to wind up back at square one.
Worse off, in fact, then before I moved away from home.
Will I ever get out of this rut?

I seem to be hopeful for maybe a day at best
before the rug is pulled out from beneath me in slow motion.

I have all but lost hope that this will ever change.
I'm finally too far behind to make a difference.

I'm finally through trying to crawl uphill.
I'm done.