So, I am spending this Christmas alone.
Partly due to the weather, partly by free choice.
I've screwed up so much in my life so far, irreparable damage has been made, and I don't see myself being able to face my family, my friends, or anyone else, until I find a healthy way to cope. I've tried everything to get myself out of this funk, but I've at least come to terms with the fact that I need to fix my problems, not just avoid them, if I ever want to be free of this mess.
I'm taking steps to improve my life, but almost just as many to ruin it.
Maybe someday I'll learn...
Sadly...
I was thinking of something very interesting to share with everyone and I was halfway through typing it when I realized... no one reads this, anyway.
I have one follower (who doesn't count, lol) and if anyone else sees something it's because I specifically give them a link saying, "OMFG GO LOOK AT THIS"
.: sigh :.
So, never mind on that one.
I have one follower (who doesn't count, lol) and if anyone else sees something it's because I specifically give them a link saying, "OMFG GO LOOK AT THIS"
.: sigh :.
So, never mind on that one.
Catching up on some work, I've actually gotten a lot done. Thankfully.
Though, my throat is killing me... all of the performing un-miked and yelling to be heard over DJ's this weekend killed my voice for a while. Luckily, office work the next few days.
A cold front is blowing in. I love the cold, it makes it easier to write emo poetry, but I hate it because I FUCKING HATE BEING FREEZING COLD WHEN THERE IS NO ONE TO FLAUNT MY NINJA COLD-BRAVING SKILLS TO.
Makes me miss high school a bit...
Though, my throat is killing me... all of the performing un-miked and yelling to be heard over DJ's this weekend killed my voice for a while. Luckily, office work the next few days.
A cold front is blowing in. I love the cold, it makes it easier to write emo poetry, but I hate it because I FUCKING HATE BEING FREEZING COLD WHEN THERE IS NO ONE TO FLAUNT MY NINJA COLD-BRAVING SKILLS TO.
Makes me miss high school a bit...
A full length marathon ahead
just to wind up back at square one.
Worse off, in fact, then before I moved away from home.
Will I ever get out of this rut?
I seem to be hopeful for maybe a day at best
before the rug is pulled out from beneath me in slow motion.
I have all but lost hope that this will ever change.
I'm finally too far behind to make a difference.
I'm finally through trying to crawl uphill.
I'm done.
just to wind up back at square one.
Worse off, in fact, then before I moved away from home.
Will I ever get out of this rut?
I seem to be hopeful for maybe a day at best
before the rug is pulled out from beneath me in slow motion.
I have all but lost hope that this will ever change.
I'm finally too far behind to make a difference.
I'm finally through trying to crawl uphill.
I'm done.
HATE IN THE FACE
Am I bitter? Maybe.
I hate lies. I mean, downright, obvious lies that people spread with the wholehearted intent you will believe them -- but not just that; no, I hate that most people are too stupid to see the difference and they buy into the hype.
Don't advertise that you are, "The Best @#$%&* In the WORLD," because there is NO way to back up that claim. Sure, maybe your parents think so, maybe your friends think so, but they're biased and they're opinion doesn't count. Winning one contest a few years ago does not make you life-long reigning champion of the Earth, and if you're holding to a subtitle like, "Best Emo blah blah" or "Best TEEN blah blah" then drop it, because it's more temporary than a retarded gangbanger.
The issue is not popularity, or money, or luck -- the issue is false advertising. Tell the truth about your abilities and accomplishments, and make your success from the truth, or the clients you lose will be your last.
I hate lies. I mean, downright, obvious lies that people spread with the wholehearted intent you will believe them -- but not just that; no, I hate that most people are too stupid to see the difference and they buy into the hype.
Don't advertise that you are, "The Best @#$%&* In the WORLD," because there is NO way to back up that claim. Sure, maybe your parents think so, maybe your friends think so, but they're biased and they're opinion doesn't count. Winning one contest a few years ago does not make you life-long reigning champion of the Earth, and if you're holding to a subtitle like, "Best Emo blah blah" or "Best TEEN blah blah" then drop it, because it's more temporary than a retarded gangbanger.
The issue is not popularity, or money, or luck -- the issue is false advertising. Tell the truth about your abilities and accomplishments, and make your success from the truth, or the clients you lose will be your last.
Bad magic tricks...
Every time I have to sift through painful YouTube videos of people's "first attempts" at a very difficult magic trick, I am reminded of a moment from a while back. Two performers making this mistake in front of a large audience of laypeople.
I wouldn't normally be so upset, but I saw these firsthand... and became furious.
One at a convention, no big deal, the other was a Las Vegas star with her own show that seemed to sell fairly well.
Both did a floating table.
Poorly.
Like they had been tinkering with it for a couple of weeks and only had it because they had money and someone told them they should do it.
I was so upset I muttered something that I didn't recall, but my friend Daniel did.
Sitting in that audience in Vegas, when the floating table was brought out I became uncomfortable, and when it was shoddily floated, I actually said, "Imma hafta kill a bitch..."
There is nothing I despise more than bad magic being shown off to people simply because they are proud of mediocrity.
I wouldn't normally be so upset, but I saw these firsthand... and became furious.
One at a convention, no big deal, the other was a Las Vegas star with her own show that seemed to sell fairly well.
Both did a floating table.
Poorly.
Like they had been tinkering with it for a couple of weeks and only had it because they had money and someone told them they should do it.
I was so upset I muttered something that I didn't recall, but my friend Daniel did.
Sitting in that audience in Vegas, when the floating table was brought out I became uncomfortable, and when it was shoddily floated, I actually said, "Imma hafta kill a bitch..."
There is nothing I despise more than bad magic being shown off to people simply because they are proud of mediocrity.
Rocket's Red Glare
I never could have, even in my most wild and expressive dreams, imagined the incomprehensibly awesome scope of the presentation I witnessed last eve. It was 7:45, almost twilight (the time frame, not the estrogen-pleasing facade of sparkly vampires); the air was cool and energetic. My ears heard little else than the music played, as the speaker arrangement was larger than any I had ever seen; with amazing clarity at a great distance, the music set the perfect tone of the spectacle about to commence. The girlfriend, her family, and I were standing between two very large structures in the Dallas Arts District, attending a celebration of the grand opening of the new AT&T theater and opera house. The fireworks display was about to commence.
In the occasions previous to this evening where fireworks were presented, they were always just "neat," or "scientifically astounding." Never before tonight had I ever seen them in a truly, wholly artistic fashion. What happened was not a simple fireworks show, but it was also not an over-glorified show of grandeur. Independence Day always presents us with a slew of impressive and powerful exploding powders, and tend to leave one in awe... or at least with a great feeling of patriotism for one's country. So why, then, was this superior? When it wasn't the largest performance, nor for an occasion already associated with something of importance? Simple: pure poetic genius. The people who designed this act could be no less. Now, back to the cool October air...
Suddenly, all of the lights in the city went completely dark; streetlights, building windows, every light as far as one could see had been diminished. That's when the music began. Pure, clear, unequivocally loud -- but not unbearable. None of the thousands of people we were squished against knew from which building the fire would rain, so it came as a great shock as a thousand breaths drew a gasp at once: there were two rooftops, one on either side of the thoroughfare, firing the blazing beauty of the night. Not only this, but the colors fit the mood of the music, and the music was spectacular: a mix of all genres, trumpeting snippets of each familiar tune to the grandeur of the dueling precipices before us. Yet there was one final element that drove this from cute coincidence to pure poetry... every nerve in your body would tingle, my own eyes poured tears of sheer joy, as every single burst of light was impeccably displayed in perfect synchronous harmony with the music. A fireworks display one can only imagine possible; every culture, every walk of life captured in beautiful burning glory as the sounds and imaged drowned out every other sense and feeling; each genre genuinely represented by the firelights in the sky, thousands of people instantly connected to each other in perfect unity, unity as calculatedly perfect as the show itself.
Never before had I uncontrollably burst with tears of complete joy and happiness. There was such a feeling! Words can only scratch the surface on what it feels like to go from moderate day-to-day joy and instantly be filled with so much glee and amazement that you can do nothing but cry out, and the incomprehensible giddiness pour from your eyes so unexpectedly. My hat's off to the beings responsible for the montage. I am forever moved.
In the occasions previous to this evening where fireworks were presented, they were always just "neat," or "scientifically astounding." Never before tonight had I ever seen them in a truly, wholly artistic fashion. What happened was not a simple fireworks show, but it was also not an over-glorified show of grandeur. Independence Day always presents us with a slew of impressive and powerful exploding powders, and tend to leave one in awe... or at least with a great feeling of patriotism for one's country. So why, then, was this superior? When it wasn't the largest performance, nor for an occasion already associated with something of importance? Simple: pure poetic genius. The people who designed this act could be no less. Now, back to the cool October air...
Suddenly, all of the lights in the city went completely dark; streetlights, building windows, every light as far as one could see had been diminished. That's when the music began. Pure, clear, unequivocally loud -- but not unbearable. None of the thousands of people we were squished against knew from which building the fire would rain, so it came as a great shock as a thousand breaths drew a gasp at once: there were two rooftops, one on either side of the thoroughfare, firing the blazing beauty of the night. Not only this, but the colors fit the mood of the music, and the music was spectacular: a mix of all genres, trumpeting snippets of each familiar tune to the grandeur of the dueling precipices before us. Yet there was one final element that drove this from cute coincidence to pure poetry... every nerve in your body would tingle, my own eyes poured tears of sheer joy, as every single burst of light was impeccably displayed in perfect synchronous harmony with the music. A fireworks display one can only imagine possible; every culture, every walk of life captured in beautiful burning glory as the sounds and imaged drowned out every other sense and feeling; each genre genuinely represented by the firelights in the sky, thousands of people instantly connected to each other in perfect unity, unity as calculatedly perfect as the show itself.
Never before had I uncontrollably burst with tears of complete joy and happiness. There was such a feeling! Words can only scratch the surface on what it feels like to go from moderate day-to-day joy and instantly be filled with so much glee and amazement that you can do nothing but cry out, and the incomprehensible giddiness pour from your eyes so unexpectedly. My hat's off to the beings responsible for the montage. I am forever moved.
Evil lurks in..
...the Casinos.
But I'm going there anyway.
Not to gamble, nono, I am not stupid.
However, I will get to tag along on an epic journey made of win, and be back home in time to make some Eggo's and see the girlfriend. This weekend boasts 3 gigs, and quite possibly a Rocky Horror visit.
Thought for the day:
Put Taco Bell Fire Sauce into an IV Bag, just in case I'm in an accident or something tragically hilarious.
As fate would have it...
I am no longer the owner of the Halo 3 Supreme Edition Master Chief costume.
.: whimper :.
But I have good news; and no, it's not car insurance savings.
It's better.
I've got soda! Sweet!
...and a new shiny stage illusion worth a few grand...
.: cough :.
*dances*
Fire Sauce - My Anti Drug
I hope to soon make a video of this idea... sounds funny.
I want it in typical "YouTube WebBlog" Format... (You know, choppy, sporadic, etc).
Hi. I'm Aaron Stone, and I'm a Firesauceaholic.
The world just isn't complete without a good heap of Taco Bell Fire Sauce.
It can cure cancer, liven your libido, even pay your taxes.
It's like little spicy packets of crack cocaine, and I'm a junkie for the little bags of capsasin goodness. Ever get the wrong order at a drive through window? OF ANY RESTAURANT? It's okay! Because I've got enough fire sauce hidden in the car to make anything taste good! In the glove compartment, the center console, tucked above the sun visors, under the seats, in the door handles, stashed in the girlfriend's bra, and a whole bag in the trunk, just in case.
The world goes round because fire sauce is there to fuel it.
I'm Aaron Stone, and fire sauce is my anti-drug.
Sometimes, it's the little things...
New favorite moment in comic book history...
in an old Deadpool comic, Deadpool is looking for Black Tom's hideout, and finds it. As he approaches, he says, "look! Uncle Tom's Cabin!"
Today is a good day.
Cruel....
So, while flipping through channels, I stumble upon some kids show...
...also, my TV is stuck on the "Second Audio Programming" mode...
So, watching this show, there is a narrator that tells the viewer (listener) what's going on. It's a friendly service for blind people to know what's going on in the show.
The main character says, "What do you see?"
...also, my TV is stuck on the "Second Audio Programming" mode...
So, watching this show, there is a narrator that tells the viewer (listener) what's going on. It's a friendly service for blind people to know what's going on in the show.
The main character says, "What do you see?"
The narrator says, "She's asking us."
Wow.
Definition of Cruel.
^_^
Mild revelations...
What I thought was an uphill swing was in fact just a glance to the top of an even steeper, taller hill. Needless to say, what I anticipated was recovery from a stupid bout of depression was, in reality, the beginning of something much deeper and quite possibly to require clinical correction.
I'm depressed -- in a peckish, bi-polar kind of way. I'm generally in a good mood and happy, but it takes so very little to throw me back down into serious cases of "the blahs." A combination of debt, lack of accomplishment, and ne'er ceasing reminders of my poor choices and blunt failures are what keeps me at this all-time-low.
But I'm not writing for pity -- HELL, I'm more than aware no one reads this fucking thing, lol, it's therapy for myself. I just want to talk it out, maybe make some sense of it.
That's really half my problem: Not having a phone for this long is something I wasn't prepared to handle. Sure, I have e-mail and the internet, but that's not quite the same. I have no one to talk to. I've vented to my girlfriend, but there is only so much some people can take before it wears on them, too.
Even tonight, something so stupid set me off into a dismal spiral of self-hate. And it upset her. Which I couldn't stand... :'(
My lack of phone is entirely my fault, though. And I can't (and won't) ask for help because those I could ask have already helped me out far too much. I had the last few months handed to me on a silver platter and didn't do anything myself to try and fix the mess I got myself into. Now, having accumulated even more debt, I'm just that much more stressed about it.
Serious vent time:
Honestly, one of the big reasons I've been so miserable lately is because of the behavior of those around me. I get up every day with serious initiative to work, get things done, and make lots of progress on a variety of projects. If I'm alone here at the house, I get a TON done. And I feel good; gratified; pleased.
But when my girlfriend, though I love her to death, is here... it seems like nothing gets done. Even when I put my foot down and say, "this needs to get done," or "I'm going to work on this, find something else to do."
I know she's young, and impossibly cute and attractive, I can't fucking stand spending all my time focused on a person. I have so much to get done, and she claims to be in the same boat! So many projects to do, and she knows it, but instead spends every moment trying to be seductive and googly-eyed at me.
I like it, but it's cost us both so much time I'm really pissed off that I have to give her a metric fuckton of kisses before I can leave the fucking room to even grab a towel to clean a desk with, or crawl over a mountain of shit that was supposed to be cleaned to lay down and give her a hug before I can go use the restroom.
I know she means well, and only wants to make me happy, but I'm really, really fucking sick and tired of all the time that's being wasted on kissin' and lovin'. That's right, I said wasted.
There is a time and place for everything, and as much as I love her, when I'm trying to fucking get stuff done (especially FOR her) is NOT THE TIME TO DISTRACT ME EVERY MINUTE AND A HALF BEGGING FOR MORE KISSES, OR ANYTHING.
I admire her so much, but I get dragged down so badly when I'm the only one wishing to accomplish things and better myself.
I feel like I'm leaving some crucial part of explanation out, but right now that's fine. I had to let this go.
Discombobulation
Thrown into Chaos.
Well, at least that's how the saying goes.
From ancient Greece to the present, Chaos has played a key role in both mythology and the applied practice of everyday life.
Mine is no exception.
There is always a counterpoint, that some who find it pertinent enjoy adding, "There is order to Chaos;" but this, too, is irrelevantly unpredictable.
I have recently concluded that the only thing I can completely, comfortably, and undoubtedly rely on is the knowledge that I am often wrong, and don't have all the answers. Though I like to be, though I prey upon my own will to be omniscient, though I love the tingly bliss of the illusion of power out of knowledge... I know I am but a grain of sand with none of it.
Still, accepting this brings little peace. As deus ex machina, the internet plays little role in entertaining me furthermore. It's difficult to find joy in that which I normaly find fantastic, and the only thoughts that keep me going are self-preservation. To be quite frank, it's fucking sad.
If I could spare even a modicum of sanity before the week is out, I'd like to remind myself that I'm not alone and don't have to fight this uphill battle single-handedly. There are those who are willing to help, even if unable to.
Only time will tell how long I can outlive myself.
And so it begins....
Reborn Anew...
Hey all. Computer workstation back up and running. At the whim of Bizzaro, I will be updating and upgrading my website over the course of the next 48 hours.
Heheheh... wish me luck.
Life is getting much better.
I am now only really allowed two options -- be depressed, or be motivated.
Motivation sounds much more productive.
So hopefully you'll soon see the fruits of my infinite freetime.
Involuntary Hiatus
"Colonel O'Neil, I must take my leave of the SGC..."
I am up and moving my base of operations.
All of it.
Even the sticky tac on the walls.
Cause it's sticky tac.
I'm not 100% sure when I'll regain access to the vitual world, but rest assured, I will twitter.
I am up and moving my base of operations.
All of it.
Even the sticky tac on the walls.
Cause it's sticky tac.
I'm not 100% sure when I'll regain access to the vitual world, but rest assured, I will twitter.
Ah, the simple things.
Until then, c'est la vie!
(That means something in French, and you're supposed to smile and nod. Do it. Good.).
(That means something in French, and you're supposed to smile and nod. Do it. Good.).
Like anyone is reading this anyway, lol...
No news is well...a sign.
Ladies and Gentlemen...
I've gathered you here today to read, at your leisure, an update on my life's direction path.
It's a bittersweet spot that is causing a lot of changes to take place that most of you likely saw coming, yet I stepped into with a smile -- like the black guy in the Resident Evil movie when the laser went grid-like and diced his ass.
I've been doing more shows and more networking than I have in as long as I can remember, and have been more productive than I have been in years. For this, I am truly glad.
I have an amazing girlfriend, with a supportive family, and friends and collegues like you who are now reading...
what more could I ask for?
Absolutely nothing.
Which is why I'm writing you now.
Which is why I'm writing you now.
It's been getting rougher, and I'm finally stepping through a window of opportunity and leaving my apartment. That, and the eviction notice helps. Hehehe, but anyway...
I will be losing internet access within a couple of hours, and electricity not too soon afterwards.
My phone is scheduled for disconnection within the next 24 hours, and my bank is looking for my car. *Rolls eyes* yay...
At this point, there is nothing anyone can do to get me out, so I'm NOT writing to ask for help.
I'm writing to put your minds at ease. Let me explain...
I'm not sure how much longer I'll be here, but regardless the bills are simply not sustainable on my current income so I'm bowing out gracefully while I still can. I am 90% sure I will be going to live with my girlfriend and her family for some time, as it's fairly close to where I am now, will be much more maintainable, bill-wise, and they have been gracious enough to allow me to infest...er... stay in.. their home.
Hopefully, I will be keeping the same phone number, but I will have less access to the internet and similar services for quite some time.
Most of my belongings will be moved to storage, with the exception of some essentials.
This sounds like bad news, but it's actually really, REALLY good news.
So, if you're still reading this, please know, I sent you here to read this because I value you as a friend, and I wanted you to know that I'm alive, well, and (considering the circumstances) couldn't be happier where I am right now. I have done my best, and learned it's not currently good enough. I can now take the time and focus to become as good as I need to be -- to be who I want to be.
If you're reading this, you are my friend, and I don't want you to worry.
:) I'll see you again soon.
Magically,
Aaron T. Stone
So, I've decided...
I've decided I no longer wish to voice my thoughts on popular internet forums.
Why?
Because 90% of the people who read them are complete morons. And I'm tired of helping the weak get just good enough to be a thorn in my side.
Jail
More fun stories to come, but I went to Jail sunday night.
For 15 hours.
I learned how to speak black.
^_^
Too soon / Too Late
I sometimes feel really creative, other times I feel incredibly inadequate.
I know what quality IS, but cannot achieve it myself.
So, then, should I take risks and make the best of new opportunities, or should I play it safe and possibly miss out on an abundant career?
I know how good my show is, I know what I can comfortably charge, but I still feel guilty about it. I need the money so bad I can't really lower my rate, but I love performing so much and I know how hard my show is to do, and I get pissed off at myself for getting the kind of money that I do.
Tonight I had a show at a local theatre. Not a great turn-out, but my act went over very well.
I feel like I'm getting good too soon, but at the same time progressing in my career far too late...
Ah, fuck it. I'm actually just writing right now because I hate my life and wanted to kill some time.
My brain is completely devoid of intelligent thought, and I can't seem to find anything pleasing beyond the sound of the fizzles inside my Dr. Pepper can.
.: sigh :.
I know what quality IS, but cannot achieve it myself.
So, then, should I take risks and make the best of new opportunities, or should I play it safe and possibly miss out on an abundant career?
I know how good my show is, I know what I can comfortably charge, but I still feel guilty about it. I need the money so bad I can't really lower my rate, but I love performing so much and I know how hard my show is to do, and I get pissed off at myself for getting the kind of money that I do.
Tonight I had a show at a local theatre. Not a great turn-out, but my act went over very well.
I feel like I'm getting good too soon, but at the same time progressing in my career far too late...
Ah, fuck it. I'm actually just writing right now because I hate my life and wanted to kill some time.
My brain is completely devoid of intelligent thought, and I can't seem to find anything pleasing beyond the sound of the fizzles inside my Dr. Pepper can.
.: sigh :.
Well, in theory....
Theoretically,
I sometimes wish it were legal to cause extreme bodily harm.
Oh, no worries, I don't really want to harm anyone, but sometimes in fits of rage I really wish I could roundhouse kick a certain ex of mine through a plate glass window off a high-digit floor of an office building.
It's not legal, moral, or remotely possible, so I'll have to settle for screaming white noise through the phone system and throwing a tennis ball at my Chia™ Pet.
....
Of course, only theoretically.
I sometimes wish it were legal to cause extreme bodily harm.
Oh, no worries, I don't really want to harm anyone, but sometimes in fits of rage I really wish I could roundhouse kick a certain ex of mine through a plate glass window off a high-digit floor of an office building.
It's not legal, moral, or remotely possible, so I'll have to settle for screaming white noise through the phone system and throwing a tennis ball at my Chia™ Pet.
....
Of course, only theoretically.
I just realized....
I just had an epiphany.
Have you, as a male, ever joined a "dating site" and wondered why it didn't work!?
Well, here's the secret. Misleading advertising. Yeah, wake up, open your eyes, and read:
Our site has over 1 Million Members!
It all makes sense now.
Have you, as a male, ever joined a "dating site" and wondered why it didn't work!?
Well, here's the secret. Misleading advertising. Yeah, wake up, open your eyes, and read:
Our site has over 1 Million Members!
It all makes sense now.
The Future
I have spent more time in the hospital lately than I have in my entire life thusfar combined.
I've missed weeks of work, and dealt with a lot of unpleasant shit.
But, I've also accomplished more than I have in almost a year now.
Why? Because I wasn't slaving away at a 9-5 for at least a week straight.
I got stuff done.
I built props.
I played games.
I lived.
And it's here I draw a conclusion -- there is no substitute for living a dream.
The sooner I can stop living in a fantasy world (the shop), the better.
I've missed weeks of work, and dealt with a lot of unpleasant shit.
But, I've also accomplished more than I have in almost a year now.
Why? Because I wasn't slaving away at a 9-5 for at least a week straight.
I got stuff done.
I built props.
I played games.
I lived.
And it's here I draw a conclusion -- there is no substitute for living a dream.
The sooner I can stop living in a fantasy world (the shop), the better.
Wish
I wish for a day where there is much less drama.
I'm aware that LIFE is DRAMA, and so there will always be small amounts of it...
but mostly, I just wish for a serious decrease in the amount I'm subjected to.
This being my only place to really vent about it without consequence, I try to keep my venting to a minimum.
I hate people who are two-faced.
I hate people who are manipulative of others for their own gain, to the detriment of others.
I hate liars.
I hate hypocrites.
I despise drama and those who perpetuate it.
I hate people who get the world handed to them from day one and never have to work for anything they have -- knowing they take pride in that and laugh at people like me who work their asses off for decent shelter and a few nice things.
I hate tiny jewish girls named Malka.
And, the icing on the cake, I hate people who cant EVER be original with ANYTHING they do.
O.O
OMFG.
I'm filled with hate right now.
And hot pockets.
Hateful hotpockets.
Those damn microwavable sin cells.
I'm aware that LIFE is DRAMA, and so there will always be small amounts of it...
but mostly, I just wish for a serious decrease in the amount I'm subjected to.
This being my only place to really vent about it without consequence, I try to keep my venting to a minimum.
I hate people who are two-faced.
I hate people who are manipulative of others for their own gain, to the detriment of others.
I hate liars.
I hate hypocrites.
I despise drama and those who perpetuate it.
I hate people who get the world handed to them from day one and never have to work for anything they have -- knowing they take pride in that and laugh at people like me who work their asses off for decent shelter and a few nice things.
I hate tiny jewish girls named Malka.
And, the icing on the cake, I hate people who cant EVER be original with ANYTHING they do.
O.O
OMFG.
I'm filled with hate right now.
And hot pockets.
Hateful hotpockets.
Those damn microwavable sin cells.
Crumbling
I'm really not sick that often.
I went to the hospital last week for medication for an infection.
The prescriptions were too costly, so I put them off, and find myself in a painful predicament.
I went back to the hospital as a last resort chance to find some kind of relief for this pain, only to be told there was nothing more they could do until the infection cleared.
Duh.
The pharmacy close right before I got there.
I spent 5 minutes crying when I saw my gas gauge light turn on.
I had to take out my contacts because my eyes hurt.
I'm coughing up bits of blood.
I can't swallow my own spit, much less anything else.
I hurt, I'm coughing, and drowning in problems.
I hear help is coming, but no idea how soon -- if at all.
The belts on my car need to be replaced, because 2 of them are cracked and not going to make it much farther. The engine needs a tune-up. It needs the fluids flushed and replaced. I've got nearly bald tires and a hole in my exhaust pipe. I put about 6k miles on my car each month. I'm 4k miles overdue for an oil change, but can't do ANY of that because of rent, cell phone, internet, electricity, food, and gas itself.
I spend all my freetime working just to have the money for the few bills I can pay...
...I really. Fucking. Hate. My. Life.
I went to the hospital last week for medication for an infection.
The prescriptions were too costly, so I put them off, and find myself in a painful predicament.
I went back to the hospital as a last resort chance to find some kind of relief for this pain, only to be told there was nothing more they could do until the infection cleared.
Duh.
The pharmacy close right before I got there.
I spent 5 minutes crying when I saw my gas gauge light turn on.
I had to take out my contacts because my eyes hurt.
I'm coughing up bits of blood.
I can't swallow my own spit, much less anything else.
I hurt, I'm coughing, and drowning in problems.
I hear help is coming, but no idea how soon -- if at all.
The belts on my car need to be replaced, because 2 of them are cracked and not going to make it much farther. The engine needs a tune-up. It needs the fluids flushed and replaced. I've got nearly bald tires and a hole in my exhaust pipe. I put about 6k miles on my car each month. I'm 4k miles overdue for an oil change, but can't do ANY of that because of rent, cell phone, internet, electricity, food, and gas itself.
I spend all my freetime working just to have the money for the few bills I can pay...
...I really. Fucking. Hate. My. Life.
Respect
Call me old fashioned, but the way I was raised, respect came with two things: reputation or age.
You respect your elders, you respect those of authority or accomplishment.
Anyone close to your age or less is just that -- another person.
Sure, you still extend common courtesy and are nice to people, but respect is another emotion altogether.
re⋅spect
/rɪˈspɛkt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ri-spekt]
–noun
3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
5. the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.
6. respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.
7. favor or partiality.
I took out the ones that aren't relevant to this post.
Taken from dictionary.reference.com
Respect is a position you hold someone in, almost exhalted or praised.
Respect is something earned.
Know the difference between courtesy and respect.
As Lovell put it, "Why should everyone think your special? Your a magician, who gives a shit?"
You, as an entertainer, have to give the audience a REASON to respect you. On the same token, many people will not speak when being introduced, some will not shake hands, some will not even acknowledge another person's presence. Why? They have no reason yet to respect that person.
That's not something to take offense to, it's something that should make you strive to want to earn that person's respect.
Remember: You shake someone's hand because YOU respect them. Not because they respect you.
You respect your elders, you respect those of authority or accomplishment.
Anyone close to your age or less is just that -- another person.
Sure, you still extend common courtesy and are nice to people, but respect is another emotion altogether.
re⋅spect
/rɪˈspɛkt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ri-spekt]
–noun
3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
5. the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.
6. respects, a formal expression or gesture of greeting, esteem, or friendship: Give my respects to your parents.
7. favor or partiality.
I took out the ones that aren't relevant to this post.
Taken from dictionary.reference.com
Respect is a position you hold someone in, almost exhalted or praised.
Respect is something earned.
Know the difference between courtesy and respect.
As Lovell put it, "Why should everyone think your special? Your a magician, who gives a shit?"
You, as an entertainer, have to give the audience a REASON to respect you. On the same token, many people will not speak when being introduced, some will not shake hands, some will not even acknowledge another person's presence. Why? They have no reason yet to respect that person.
That's not something to take offense to, it's something that should make you strive to want to earn that person's respect.
Remember: You shake someone's hand because YOU respect them. Not because they respect you.
Bliss
The world as we know it will one day come to an end.
We all leave this realm of existence at one point or another...
what will you leave behind?
I see a lot going on --
and it's time some theory got put into practice.
This month will give rise to the completion of projects that have been put off.
To finality, finesse, and progress.
To making a name for those who need one, and giving competition a run for their money.
I see only one way to make my mark on the world.
Some are subtle, some fight wars, some are political, some are insane.
Me, I'm just ready to take on the masses and show them what I'm made of.
Until next time,
this has been Conjecture and Praxis.
We all leave this realm of existence at one point or another...
what will you leave behind?
I see a lot going on --
and it's time some theory got put into practice.
This month will give rise to the completion of projects that have been put off.
To finality, finesse, and progress.
To making a name for those who need one, and giving competition a run for their money.
I see only one way to make my mark on the world.
Some are subtle, some fight wars, some are political, some are insane.
Me, I'm just ready to take on the masses and show them what I'm made of.
Until next time,
this has been Conjecture and Praxis.
An Open Letter to the BlackLine Magic Staff
FWD: From Aaron Stone. (www.theREALaaronStone.com)
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Aaron here.
Let me preface this by reminding you that I'm but the messenger.
I'm posting this because there is a valid point here, whether some agree with it or not.
There is something to be said of maturity, for certain -- and the sheer lack of it brings us here today.
The following is an e-mail directly from Christopher Lyle, who has just terminated his account.
His reasons are included.
I think this should be read with care, consideration, and sincerity.
This is a bridge that has been burned.
Let it be the last.
Let this be an example to those who need it that their actions have consequences, and that NO ONE may impair the rights laid down by our forefathers in the FIRST AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
We're not the government, guys.
If someone has an opinion, they're entitled to it.
That's the beauty of being human.
"Moderator" privileges on ANY forum are granted for maintenance purposed exclusively. It's a professional title to take pride in, and treat with respect. Moderators exist to politely censor inappropriate content, lookout for malicious behavior, and prevent emotions from getting out of hand. A moderator is an arbiter, taking an impartial and unbiased stance on the subjects which he/she must edit.
Moderators also only exist to HELP the owner of the forums. Shane can't be everywhere at once, he's a busy man. We were given the privilege because he trusts us.
His trust in some of us just cost a very dear price.
It hurt me greatly to read the following, because by involving myself with Blackline, my reputation (as well as all of yours) is on the line. My own patience with immaturity is remarkably thin. I will risk time and effort for nearly anything -- but so help me God I will not risk my career and my reputation for children on a power trip.
Let it be known that we have burned one bridge.
This will not happen again.
WILL. NOT.
You have no right to truncate or modify people's thoughts simply because you have the ability.
Play nice.
~Aaron
Creative Artist
Purveyor of Visual Arts
Brain Ninja
From Christopher Lyle:
I have decided to end my participation with this forum.
When I was invited to join, my thought was, "great...another magic forum." Then when I got in here and began surfing around, I was even less amused...but since my buddy Aaron was part of it, I decided to give it a chance....
In moving forward, it was my hope that I would be able to offer my advice and commentary to help and advise the membership since my experience far out weighs just about everyone (staff included) who is on this forum. I'm always happy to assist new comers to our art so I stuck around and tried to make my little dent...
Over the last 48 hours, my posts have been compromised. They have been edited/deleted and I REFUSE to be censored. Gambit...I don't buy your bullPoop excuse for how you accidentally edited my post. If you're going to lie, then come up with something better.
You cannot have a forum where you want people to express their opinions and when their opinions don't fit your mold, banish that person's 1st amendment rights and censor them to paint a different picture. Both GAMBIT and RYAN have edited my posts and other posts I made mysteriously disappeared so who knows who was behind that! BULLPoop! COMPLETE BULLPoop!
All of you guys are an absolute joke and I want NOTHING to do with Blackline. I have a very strong voice within the Magic Community and I shall warn anyone/everyone to stay far away from here as you're all a clan of immature children (most of whom aren't even old enough to vote) who believe in Censorship rather than Free Speech!
Perhaps when you all grow up, your little corner of the planet will be a success. But with your current ways, you will fail. It's a mathematical certainty....
I have deleted all of my posts and have removed my account from the site. The only footprint I leave behind is this email that no doubt...will also be deleted!
Good Riddance!
Christopher Lyle
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Aaron here.
Let me preface this by reminding you that I'm but the messenger.
I'm posting this because there is a valid point here, whether some agree with it or not.
There is something to be said of maturity, for certain -- and the sheer lack of it brings us here today.
The following is an e-mail directly from Christopher Lyle, who has just terminated his account.
His reasons are included.
I think this should be read with care, consideration, and sincerity.
This is a bridge that has been burned.
Let it be the last.
Let this be an example to those who need it that their actions have consequences, and that NO ONE may impair the rights laid down by our forefathers in the FIRST AMENDMENT TO THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
We're not the government, guys.
If someone has an opinion, they're entitled to it.
That's the beauty of being human.
"Moderator" privileges on ANY forum are granted for maintenance purposed exclusively. It's a professional title to take pride in, and treat with respect. Moderators exist to politely censor inappropriate content, lookout for malicious behavior, and prevent emotions from getting out of hand. A moderator is an arbiter, taking an impartial and unbiased stance on the subjects which he/she must edit.
Moderators also only exist to HELP the owner of the forums. Shane can't be everywhere at once, he's a busy man. We were given the privilege because he trusts us.
His trust in some of us just cost a very dear price.
It hurt me greatly to read the following, because by involving myself with Blackline, my reputation (as well as all of yours) is on the line. My own patience with immaturity is remarkably thin. I will risk time and effort for nearly anything -- but so help me God I will not risk my career and my reputation for children on a power trip.
Let it be known that we have burned one bridge.
This will not happen again.
WILL. NOT.
You have no right to truncate or modify people's thoughts simply because you have the ability.
Play nice.
~Aaron
Creative Artist
Purveyor of Visual Arts
Brain Ninja
From Christopher Lyle:
I have decided to end my participation with this forum.
When I was invited to join, my thought was, "great...another magic forum." Then when I got in here and began surfing around, I was even less amused...but since my buddy Aaron was part of it, I decided to give it a chance....
In moving forward, it was my hope that I would be able to offer my advice and commentary to help and advise the membership since my experience far out weighs just about everyone (staff included) who is on this forum. I'm always happy to assist new comers to our art so I stuck around and tried to make my little dent...
Over the last 48 hours, my posts have been compromised. They have been edited/deleted and I REFUSE to be censored. Gambit...I don't buy your bullPoop excuse for how you accidentally edited my post. If you're going to lie, then come up with something better.
You cannot have a forum where you want people to express their opinions and when their opinions don't fit your mold, banish that person's 1st amendment rights and censor them to paint a different picture. Both GAMBIT and RYAN have edited my posts and other posts I made mysteriously disappeared so who knows who was behind that! BULLPoop! COMPLETE BULLPoop!
All of you guys are an absolute joke and I want NOTHING to do with Blackline. I have a very strong voice within the Magic Community and I shall warn anyone/everyone to stay far away from here as you're all a clan of immature children (most of whom aren't even old enough to vote) who believe in Censorship rather than Free Speech!
Perhaps when you all grow up, your little corner of the planet will be a success. But with your current ways, you will fail. It's a mathematical certainty....
I have deleted all of my posts and have removed my account from the site. The only footprint I leave behind is this email that no doubt...will also be deleted!
Good Riddance!
Christopher Lyle
Shake Senora
Sometimes, I just wanna dance.
There is a lot to be said of movement in an act.
All of your actions should be properly motivated, and no movement should be wasted.
It would behoove you to study movement, from dance, to pantomime, to commedia del arte. Let there be nothing wasted or unnecessary in your act -- let only the greatness shine through.
I recently watched a recording of a RECENT performance of mine, and was nearly appalled at the shoddy work it really was, and how on earth I could consider that to be entertainment value...
Needless to say, it's a depressing realization in both the facts that I'm a poor practitioner, and that I'm far too picky.
The audience loved it, ate it up, asked me back -- but to MY standards, I was literally sickened.
There is a lot to be said of movement in an act.
ALL of your actions should be properly motivated.
Waste none.
There is a lot to be said of movement in an act.
All of your actions should be properly motivated, and no movement should be wasted.
It would behoove you to study movement, from dance, to pantomime, to commedia del arte. Let there be nothing wasted or unnecessary in your act -- let only the greatness shine through.
I recently watched a recording of a RECENT performance of mine, and was nearly appalled at the shoddy work it really was, and how on earth I could consider that to be entertainment value...
Needless to say, it's a depressing realization in both the facts that I'm a poor practitioner, and that I'm far too picky.
The audience loved it, ate it up, asked me back -- but to MY standards, I was literally sickened.
There is a lot to be said of movement in an act.
ALL of your actions should be properly motivated.
Waste none.
Adversity
Why is it humans can't stand the feeling of being rejected?
Even when we're not, the fear of it for some of us is unbearable...
...and hence, our greatest obstacle.
Even when we're not, the fear of it for some of us is unbearable...
...and hence, our greatest obstacle.
Integrity
Sure, if you're an entertainer and you're "working," your integrity or honesty on stage is not entirely crucial. Magicians need that air of mystery and cloak of deceit. It's natural.
However, in real life, honesty matters most.
When you advertise something, or you respond to some type of advertisement, you expect it to be legitimate.
When a popular website wants you to enter a credit card, at no charge, for age verification purposes ONLY -- stating in big, bold letters, "You will not be charged for this verification."... And you are charged anyway (hundreds of dollars).. to be quite frank, it really chaps your ass.
In the real world, honesty and integrity should reign supreme. This would eliminate a lot of drama, heartache, and misery.
On stage, do whatever the hell you want to to bring the greatest amount of entertainment to your audiences, but when you're off that stage... anything not pertaining to your act, speak carefully... and carry a big stick.
However, in real life, honesty matters most.
When you advertise something, or you respond to some type of advertisement, you expect it to be legitimate.
When a popular website wants you to enter a credit card, at no charge, for age verification purposes ONLY -- stating in big, bold letters, "You will not be charged for this verification."... And you are charged anyway (hundreds of dollars).. to be quite frank, it really chaps your ass.
In the real world, honesty and integrity should reign supreme. This would eliminate a lot of drama, heartache, and misery.
On stage, do whatever the hell you want to to bring the greatest amount of entertainment to your audiences, but when you're off that stage... anything not pertaining to your act, speak carefully... and carry a big stick.
Focus
"Sometimes, one can not focus.
This is not due to some homo erectus defect.
No, in fact, quite possibly it's just time to upgrade lenses."
You know who you are.
Paradigm Shift.
This is not due to some homo erectus defect.
No, in fact, quite possibly it's just time to upgrade lenses."
You know who you are.
Paradigm Shift.
Penn Gilette
This is a bit of personal life theory for all you (maybe 2) readers.
Enjoy the following, courtesy of Penn Gilette and SONY.
Take it for what it's worth... which is, well, a lot.
Enjoy the following, courtesy of Penn Gilette and SONY.
Take it for what it's worth... which is, well, a lot.
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